woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
