Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
