After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize