I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
