when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I CAN MOONWALK!
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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