i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
