At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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