____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize