My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
