Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Randomize
