I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
