On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
