It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
