Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
