so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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