1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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