the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
