you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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