u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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