Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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