That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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