Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
