hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
