And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i don't like sucking hair
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Randomize
