Kiss
Puke
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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