watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
