I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
