I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
