Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
