I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
