this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
