I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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