Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
