can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
