you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Soap is not a condiment
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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