so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
