Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
