I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Enjoy the penises
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
