He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
