Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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