I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
