I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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