so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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