God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
