I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize