can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
My breath smells like gin and sadness
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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