I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
