well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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