I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
