remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
