bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
