Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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