there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
