I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
