Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
