I just saw a hot homeless man
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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