I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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