trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
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