That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
