omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
