I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
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