11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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