Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
