she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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