You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
