I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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