do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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