Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
