believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
