thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
