The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
