Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
