Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize