Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
