I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
