sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
where are my eyebrows?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
