apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
