She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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