Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
