weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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