ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
