I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
