if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
