at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize