Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
