I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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